Talking Big!

Well.. I have been having period cramps all day so i'm sure she will come full force between now and tomorrow. BOOO! Since this cycle was really long this coming cycle I should ovulate early. If I do ovulate early then I will be taking my test on my birthday which is two days before my next period should start. This will either be the best birthday ever or another heartbroken birthday. If this coming cycle is another bust then hubby will be going to the doctor to get checked out. Our new insurance kicks in Jan 1st and so his semen analysis should only be a $25 copay at the endocrinologist because labs are no cost. We still won't have infertility coverage, but we will have maternity coverage and will only have to pay $2000 max! So that is awesome! Maybe that is why I haven't gotten pregnant and stayed pregnant yet. God's timing is perfect and maybe this new insurance is what we've been waiting on. Who knows. If the semen analysis comes back good then I may go ahead and schedule a consult with the reproductive endocrinologist that did my HSG just to hear her thoughts. I would really love to do a couple of cycles with a trigger shot, but not sure how that works and I don't think I could be monitored because her office is like an hour and a half away to drive multiple times in a week for an ultrasound. Are you even able to do a trigger shot without monitoring? Do you have to have an IUI if you are triggering? Maybe i'll do some more research on that and see what I can find because I really don't have a clue.

I guess this is me saying.... 1 or 2 more cycles before we take that next step and see RE! I'm just sad because I wanted to do this on my own, naturally without the help of a doctor, but don't we all? I need to get out of that mind set because afterall, God created doctors for a reason I just wish they weren't so expensive!

Feeling sad..

I've been trying very hard to keep my spirits up and it was working there for a few weeks, but today I just feel sad. I feel broken hearted because I thought I would for sure have a baby by now. I'll be 24 in a few weeks and I know i'll get the "you're so young you have plenty of time" crap from a lot of people and that is ONE of the things I absolutely HATE hearing! If you are not God then DON'T tell me that. Only he knows how long I have. Since the first day we started trying I thought we'd be pregnant by that Christmas, well that came and went and nothing happened so I said we'll its only been a couple of months surely we'll have a baby or be pregnant by the next Christmas. October came and it finally happened and we were so excited, over the moon, on cloud 9 and then that baby was taken from us. So after I kind of came around I thought well I will definitely be pregnant or have a baby by next Christmas.. Well guess what? Christmas is a little over a month of way and my time is running out and we still aren't pregnant! I was 21 when we started trying and thought I would have a baby by the time I was 23 and here I am going on 24 in one month without a baby. I try to tell myself God has a plan and his timing is perfect and most of the time I believe it, but days like today I am just having a hard time with it. Not to mention the other reason i'm so sad is because of the miscarriage.. I should have a 5 month old baby right now. I should be celebrating baby's first Halloween, first thanksgiving, first Christmas, and my First birthday as a mommy and i'm not. It doesn't matter if you know for a day, a month or a year that your are pregnant or have a baby when you lose that baby it all hurts the same.

Happy November!

Its officially the HOLIDAYS! yayyyy!

First lets recap our Halloween Day! I had no idea that trick or treaters started so early!

There were literally knocks at my door and the doorbell ringing at 5:30. I didn't even get home from work until 5:15! I still had to throw the candy in the bowl and get my costume together!

I wasn't going to dress up this year, but Tyler won a $10 gift card to Halloween Express and the only thing i could find in there for under $10 was a wig. So i decided to wear all black clothes, my black wig, and red lipstick and be Morticia Addams from the Addams Family. Nobody could guess what I was. What is wrong with people these days? Didn't they watch the Addams Family?

Miss Ella dressed up too in her angel wings and halo. She hated it and we eventually took it off after about 15 minutes.

 

Now on to the fun part! Christmas decorations have begun to go up in our house! Christmas music was playing and the decorating started! There are still some more things that need to be added, but this is a start! Please excuse the stash of candy on top of the fridge. :)

 

Along with Christmas come MY BIRTHDAY! December 12th! So this year it took me forever to decide on what I want, but it finally came to me; a monogramming machine! It should be here by Tuesday or Wednesday and I can't wait! I wanted to get it early so that I could practice on it and guess what everyone is getting for Christmas? Yep, something that is monogrammed! These stockings will be also once I get that machine :)

 

I hope everyone had a great Halloween and is ready for some Christmas music, movies, decorations, and celebrations :)