onward and upward

I haven't been back to update lately because I was very heartbroken last month. I put all my faith, trust and energy into last month and when I didn't get pregnant it literally broke my heart. I got angry and hated everyone and everything. I eventually snapped out of it and realized I was just mad at myself. I let myself get in too deep. I knew God's been telling me to wait, its not the right time. I just ignored it though because I didn't want to hear that. We weren't financially where we needed to be and I wasn't where I needed to be with school.

I have two semesters of school left (woohoo) and its mostly time spent in the hospitals. In order to graduate I have to have at least 46 competencies (which are when I actually take the xray myself without no help and get graded on how well I do) some of those require me to be in the operating room on in a room where they do procedures to watch someone swallowing contrast and they use fluoroscopy. These two are something you cannot do if you are pregnant and we just learned about these procedures in the last month so I haven't been able to do them until now. So I believe that had a lot to do with it too! I now have those out of the way and only need 5 more competencies and whatever 5 I choose being pregnant wouldn't be an issue!

Also since being in school and living on just my husband's income I've been really stressed about money. I am a planner so living week to week on a paycheck stresses me out! We have done just fine and have made it with one income. It was just an adjustment I had to make. And now I just got a part time job working two days a week before school and maybe a couple hours after school. It wont be much, but its something and every little bit makes a difference. So now i'm not stressed about our financial situation anymore and I know we could afford to have a baby!

Since realizing all of this I have been so much more relaxed and less obsessed with having a baby. Don't get me wrong I still want a baby more than anything, but now I know that its a timing thing and God knows what he is doing. I just have to be patient (which is something i'm terrible at)

As for this cycle.. I took the Clomid again and I am currently on cd15 and got a positive ovulation test yesterday and today so that means I should be ovulating tonight or tomorrow! I just hope and pray this is the month :)


Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.