Normally after church on Sundays I have a new rush of hope and positivity, but today I don't. I'm just so sad. Like I've been praying and hoping and trusting God for the past two years and trying my hardest to keep positive for others around me that are having a hard time and whose faith has been shaken or that don't believe in God and today I just feel so silly for this because if I were in their shoes and I read what "they" (I) wrote I would just laugh and say "so hows all that praying, hoping and trusting working out for ya?" Cause at this point it doesn't seem to be working for me. I hate that I feel this way and that i'm doubting God. It honestly hurts my heart that I am to this point of feeling doubt, but if i'm being honest that is what I feel. I feel forgotten. When will it be our turn? How much more do you think I can take? Why do I have to go through so much pain for such a long time? When will this "storm" end?
One year.. ok fine, year and a half ok where do you want me to go from here?, two years.. where the heck are you and how do I continue on? I honestly do not know how anyone that has been ttc longer than me do it. I really don't. I commend them on every single level. They are a much stronger person than I am. Especially if they have been able to stay strong in their faith. I need to take notes or something from them because I can't continue on this journey like this. I mean when can I catch a break?
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Worst Blogger Ever!
I am such a terrible blogger! I haven't updated in a while.
We are still trying to conceive and have taken a big step! After our 3rd round of clomid and still no pregnancy I was ready to just give up and move on. My husband on the other hand was not. We have talked several times about after the first of the new year we would go have some testing done. Well, he decided just to get started now. Why wait and possible put off having a baby any longer than its already taking?
Good point. So I agreed and scheduled my HSG. This is basically just a live xray done that will allow the doctor to watch dye go through your uterus into your tubes and spill out if they are clear. I read so many horror stories about how bad it hurt and what not. I was a little freaked out when I got there, but it was not bad at all.
This is how it went down for me. I had to go to the doctor's office first to do a urine pregnancy test to make sure I was not pregnant. Then they sent me straight to the hospital to get registered. Once I was registered they took me back and got me changed into a oh so lovely gown. They got set up and the doctor came in. She explained what was about happen and then got started. It was pretty much like a pap smear to begin with. She inserted the speculum to clean off my cervix. I felt some pressure with this which is normal and what we ladies deal with once a year. After she cleaned my cervix she inserted the catheter and removed the speculum. She then started to insert the dye through the catheter and we began watching the dye pass through on the monitor. This is normally where people start to feel the pain. Its just a little bit of period cramping, but I didn't feel a thing. The dye went into my uterus and my left tube pretty quick and easily. It took a little bit longer for the dye to pass through my right tube, but it did pass through and we could see the dye spilling out from both sides! Once it was confirmed that my tubes were open she took out the catheter and we were done! It literally took maybe 5 minutes.
We did see that my uterus is "upside down" or "tilted." She said this was pretty common and should not prevent me from getting pregnant. She said as long as there was a good egg and good sperm then we should be able to get pregnant.
Once I got into the car (husband was driving) I started to google "upside down uterus" and came to find that this basically just means "retroverted" which is what most people are familiar with hearing. Most women have a uterus that tilts forward towards their bladder. Well mine tilts backwards towards my spine. This is most likely the reason for the pain during intercourse and during my menstrual cycle.
I have read tons of comments from women with retroverted uterus that have gotten pregnant with no problem. So I feel pretty good at this point. I am hoping that the dye was able to clear out any "cobwebs" and made room for the egg and sperm to meet and travel down to implant!
I am not on clomid this cycle due to having the HSG done and I was a little worried about when I would ovulate because of course I googled it and found that it has delayed ovulation for a lot of women. Well i'm pleased to say that I ovulated on cycle day 13! wooohoooo! I am currently 3 days past ovulation and hoping to finally be pregnant this cycle.
This cycle is very special to me because this is the cycle we conceived last year. I started my period the same day as last year, September 7th so my due date would be the same one, June 14th. I'm really praying hard that this will be it. It would mean the world to us to be due on the same day. It will be like God is giving us back the baby that we lost a year ago<3
We are still trying to conceive and have taken a big step! After our 3rd round of clomid and still no pregnancy I was ready to just give up and move on. My husband on the other hand was not. We have talked several times about after the first of the new year we would go have some testing done. Well, he decided just to get started now. Why wait and possible put off having a baby any longer than its already taking?
Good point. So I agreed and scheduled my HSG. This is basically just a live xray done that will allow the doctor to watch dye go through your uterus into your tubes and spill out if they are clear. I read so many horror stories about how bad it hurt and what not. I was a little freaked out when I got there, but it was not bad at all.
This is how it went down for me. I had to go to the doctor's office first to do a urine pregnancy test to make sure I was not pregnant. Then they sent me straight to the hospital to get registered. Once I was registered they took me back and got me changed into a oh so lovely gown. They got set up and the doctor came in. She explained what was about happen and then got started. It was pretty much like a pap smear to begin with. She inserted the speculum to clean off my cervix. I felt some pressure with this which is normal and what we ladies deal with once a year. After she cleaned my cervix she inserted the catheter and removed the speculum. She then started to insert the dye through the catheter and we began watching the dye pass through on the monitor. This is normally where people start to feel the pain. Its just a little bit of period cramping, but I didn't feel a thing. The dye went into my uterus and my left tube pretty quick and easily. It took a little bit longer for the dye to pass through my right tube, but it did pass through and we could see the dye spilling out from both sides! Once it was confirmed that my tubes were open she took out the catheter and we were done! It literally took maybe 5 minutes.
We did see that my uterus is "upside down" or "tilted." She said this was pretty common and should not prevent me from getting pregnant. She said as long as there was a good egg and good sperm then we should be able to get pregnant.
Once I got into the car (husband was driving) I started to google "upside down uterus" and came to find that this basically just means "retroverted" which is what most people are familiar with hearing. Most women have a uterus that tilts forward towards their bladder. Well mine tilts backwards towards my spine. This is most likely the reason for the pain during intercourse and during my menstrual cycle.
I have read tons of comments from women with retroverted uterus that have gotten pregnant with no problem. So I feel pretty good at this point. I am hoping that the dye was able to clear out any "cobwebs" and made room for the egg and sperm to meet and travel down to implant!
I am not on clomid this cycle due to having the HSG done and I was a little worried about when I would ovulate because of course I googled it and found that it has delayed ovulation for a lot of women. Well i'm pleased to say that I ovulated on cycle day 13! wooohoooo! I am currently 3 days past ovulation and hoping to finally be pregnant this cycle.
This cycle is very special to me because this is the cycle we conceived last year. I started my period the same day as last year, September 7th so my due date would be the same one, June 14th. I'm really praying hard that this will be it. It would mean the world to us to be due on the same day. It will be like God is giving us back the baby that we lost a year ago<3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)