Normally after church on Sundays I have a new rush of hope and positivity, but today I don't. I'm just so sad. Like I've been praying and hoping and trusting God for the past two years and trying my hardest to keep positive for others around me that are having a hard time and whose faith has been shaken or that don't believe in God and today I just feel so silly for this because if I were in their shoes and I read what "they" (I) wrote I would just laugh and say "so hows all that praying, hoping and trusting working out for ya?" Cause at this point it doesn't seem to be working for me. I hate that I feel this way and that i'm doubting God. It honestly hurts my heart that I am to this point of feeling doubt, but if i'm being honest that is what I feel. I feel forgotten. When will it be our turn? How much more do you think I can take? Why do I have to go through so much pain for such a long time? When will this "storm" end?
One year.. ok fine, year and a half ok where do you want me to go from here?, two years.. where the heck are you and how do I continue on? I honestly do not know how anyone that has been ttc longer than me do it. I really don't. I commend them on every single level. They are a much stronger person than I am. Especially if they have been able to stay strong in their faith. I need to take notes or something from them because I can't continue on this journey like this. I mean when can I catch a break?
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