Feeling sad..

I've been trying very hard to keep my spirits up and it was working there for a few weeks, but today I just feel sad. I feel broken hearted because I thought I would for sure have a baby by now. I'll be 24 in a few weeks and I know i'll get the "you're so young you have plenty of time" crap from a lot of people and that is ONE of the things I absolutely HATE hearing! If you are not God then DON'T tell me that. Only he knows how long I have. Since the first day we started trying I thought we'd be pregnant by that Christmas, well that came and went and nothing happened so I said we'll its only been a couple of months surely we'll have a baby or be pregnant by the next Christmas. October came and it finally happened and we were so excited, over the moon, on cloud 9 and then that baby was taken from us. So after I kind of came around I thought well I will definitely be pregnant or have a baby by next Christmas.. Well guess what? Christmas is a little over a month of way and my time is running out and we still aren't pregnant! I was 21 when we started trying and thought I would have a baby by the time I was 23 and here I am going on 24 in one month without a baby. I try to tell myself God has a plan and his timing is perfect and most of the time I believe it, but days like today I am just having a hard time with it. Not to mention the other reason i'm so sad is because of the miscarriage.. I should have a 5 month old baby right now. I should be celebrating baby's first Halloween, first thanksgiving, first Christmas, and my First birthday as a mommy and i'm not. It doesn't matter if you know for a day, a month or a year that your are pregnant or have a baby when you lose that baby it all hurts the same.