onward and upward

I haven't been back to update lately because I was very heartbroken last month. I put all my faith, trust and energy into last month and when I didn't get pregnant it literally broke my heart. I got angry and hated everyone and everything. I eventually snapped out of it and realized I was just mad at myself. I let myself get in too deep. I knew God's been telling me to wait, its not the right time. I just ignored it though because I didn't want to hear that. We weren't financially where we needed to be and I wasn't where I needed to be with school.

I have two semesters of school left (woohoo) and its mostly time spent in the hospitals. In order to graduate I have to have at least 46 competencies (which are when I actually take the xray myself without no help and get graded on how well I do) some of those require me to be in the operating room on in a room where they do procedures to watch someone swallowing contrast and they use fluoroscopy. These two are something you cannot do if you are pregnant and we just learned about these procedures in the last month so I haven't been able to do them until now. So I believe that had a lot to do with it too! I now have those out of the way and only need 5 more competencies and whatever 5 I choose being pregnant wouldn't be an issue!

Also since being in school and living on just my husband's income I've been really stressed about money. I am a planner so living week to week on a paycheck stresses me out! We have done just fine and have made it with one income. It was just an adjustment I had to make. And now I just got a part time job working two days a week before school and maybe a couple hours after school. It wont be much, but its something and every little bit makes a difference. So now i'm not stressed about our financial situation anymore and I know we could afford to have a baby!

Since realizing all of this I have been so much more relaxed and less obsessed with having a baby. Don't get me wrong I still want a baby more than anything, but now I know that its a timing thing and God knows what he is doing. I just have to be patient (which is something i'm terrible at)

As for this cycle.. I took the Clomid again and I am currently on cd15 and got a positive ovulation test yesterday and today so that means I should be ovulating tonight or tomorrow! I just hope and pray this is the month :)


Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

6 days past ovulation

I ovulated on June 23rd, which makes me 6 days past ovulation! i'm so excited to see if this cycle really worked! today I was having some weird pains in my lower pelvic area on the right side so i'm hoping it will be a good sign! I have never felt these types of pains before. They weren't like ovulation pains or period pains. It was more of a stabbing or a needle stabbing me, but it wasn't severe in a hurting way. It was more of a I can definitely feel that way.

It started with just some pains in my upper leg (near the crease) and then started to move up to the pelvic area. Of course I googled pictures of where implantation happens and its in the right area so let's hope that is what it is!

So far, So good!

I am so excited that the Clomid actually did its thing so far! I have ovulated and I didn't have to wait forever for it to happen! I have read that clomid tends to delay ovulation for women that already ovulate on their own. Well.. take that because I didn't! wooohooo!

I am also thrilled because if I do happen to get pregnant this cycle (which I have a really good feeling about) I will be due on my husband's birthday! How awesome is that? Every year for the past few years when I ask him what he wants for his birthday its always a baby! Well I'm hoping that next year I'll be able to give him that gift

I just have such a good feeling about this cycle and i'm totally letting God take over. It's completely in his hands. I'm just trusting that the timing is right and we'll get a sweet baby in less than 9 months :)

The waiting game!

As the title says i'm in a waiting game! I finished my medicine for this month over a week ago and I am waiting to ovulate!  I am hoping it will be soon. I bought some ovulation tests to help pinpoint when I will ovulate. 

The symptoms that I had while taking the Clomid were not as bad as I thought they would be.  I had hot flashes like crazy which was the worst part, but other than a slight headache that would come and go and the occasional ovulation pains in my ovaries that was it!  Not too bad! 

I have been taking an ovulation test every night to see when it will be positive. I hope it does not delay ovulation like it tends to do to some people.  I am on the 13th day of my cycle and so far its still negative.  Maybe tomorrow it will be positive?

Well that is about it for now.

Doctor appointment update!

So I was suspecting that I may have endometriosis since my mother had it and a few friends of mine had it as well and my signs and symptoms were closely mimicking theirs. I never thought about having endometriosis before because my symptoms have been there for a long time and it felt "normal" to me. Guess I should have been talking about aunt flow and sex more!

I decided to get my butt in gear and make an appointment with my doctor. I did a lot of research and everything was lining up and making since.

Tuesday afternoon I get to the office and of course give a urine sample. I started telling him about what has been going on and he says, "yes that does sound like endometriosis and that the only way to know for sure if it is endometriosis is by doing Lap. surgery." Since i'm in school at the moment and have a pretty big deductible to meet I wouldn't be able to do the surgery until December.  So he said we can do one of two things..one being the surgery or two I can keep trying clomid for 6 months which is going to be like a birth control in reverse. It will help me get pregnant. He said that if the clomid is going to help me get pregnant it will do it within those 6 months or most likely not at all. He said that pregnancy is actually a good thing for endometriosis that isn't severe and will actually help me feel less pain and it will suppress it . He said that even though I read a lot about women having a hard time getting pregnant with endometriosis that those are people have severe cases and in all his years practicing he's never seen anyone that can't get pregnant because of it. He said he would check my ovaries and uterus to see if they were "floating" around which is what they want to feel we went ahead and did the exam and he said everything feels great so he doesn't think the endometriosis is severe, but with the explanation of what sex felt like he believes I may have a little bit of it starting.

So all that said that is our plan.. clomid for 6 months and if nothing in 6 months i'll go ahead with the surgery. so praying it doesn't have to get to the surgery route!

The wait continues!

So back in April I got a positive pregnancy test (well a few positive tests). We were so excited and I had Tyler look at it to make sure it was really there. I just knew this was finally it we were going to have a baby in January for the new year. WRONG! I started bleeding a few days later and my doctor confirmed a chemical pregnancy (when you get a positive test, but there is nothing ever found on an ultrasound and you start you period right after finding out). So it was back to square one again..

My doctor offered me a prescription for Clomid to take. It is supposed to help have a stronger, more predictable ovulation. So i'm hoping this will do the trick and maybe we'll have a March baby and he/she can share a birthday with daddy :)

We still miss our little one that we lost in October so very much. The due date (June 14th) is slowly approaching and I can't help but think of how he or she should be entering the world any day. However, I know God has a plan for us and he knows the reasons behind the miscarriage that we can't see. I'm ok with that because I trust him!

I can't wait so share this journey with everyone and hope that I will be reporting soon that i'm pregnant with a sweet, sweet blessing!

GOD BLESS

Been Awhile

Its been awhile since i've been on here to update, but I promise to get better! We still miss our sweet baby every day and wish we could bring him/her back. We decided during the New Year that we were going to start trying again and told our friends and family about it! We are very excited although worried because it may take awhile!
I am halfway through my last semester of my first year! YAYYYYY! I can't wait to be graduating! I really dislike school! We figured that since i'm pretty much done with my first year that if we were to get pregnant now baby wouldn't be due until November/December and I would only have one more semester to go. The very last semester of school is only clinic days so I would only be gone 3 days a week vs. 5 and then I would be done until I started working. So it wouldn't be hard or stressful with a baby!
We are very excited and hope we do not have to wait too long before we are blessed with a miracle :)